Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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