She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
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I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
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There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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