how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
