I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
