He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
