I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
