mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
