Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
