So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
