I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
operation harelip BJ is a go
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
