what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
