Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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