I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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