glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
