I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
