I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
