Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
