So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
