i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize