Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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