do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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