Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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