Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
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why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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