You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
