His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
