Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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