the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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