just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
