I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
