i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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