So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We were destined to go to rehab together
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
