I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
