please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He shit in the fireplace
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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