the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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