The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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