i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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