Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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