i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
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I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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