I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
her vagine was all disorganized.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
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His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
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I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I need a beard to bite.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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