I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
