Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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