so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
