does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
