Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My penis needs a shock collar
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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