He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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