so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
