There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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