her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
