She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
