New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
