He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
