capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He felt like a one man threesome
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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