Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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