The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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