Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
