whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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