I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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