I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize