really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
