Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
