You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
