why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
