somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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