What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
