if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
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P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
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Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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