**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
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I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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